Snape and Dumbledore
by Son Of Evil
Summary: In the summer after OotP, Snape's worst nightmare comes true when Albus Dumbledore arrives on his dorrstep and declairs he's moving in for the summer
1. Unwelcome Guest

Snape and Dumbledore

Snape sat on a stool beside his personal potion maker. The Dark Lord had requested the Fire Water potion. Anyone who drank it would be burned from the inside. It was a very long, very painful way to die. The potion would be fine on it's own for a few hours. He left his lab and wandered about the house aimlessly. Well, I say house. A family of twenty could get lost and never be seen again. Of course, a big house though it was, there were many rooms and hidden passage ways that wouldn't fit if it weren't for a few handy expanding and concealing spells.

Snape wandered into the library and glanced through a few books, but nothing really held his interest. "Maybe I'll go see Sarah," he muttered. Sarah was a muggle, one of his neighbours, and, in his opinion, one of the very few likable muggles in the world. Yes, Snape lived in a muggle neighbourhood. Quite a nice area, quite posh, but, unfortunatly, still a muggle area. There was a knock on the door. Snape grumbled, but went to see who it was anyway. He opened the door and just stared. "Merciful Heavens."

"Hello Severus," came the cheerful response. There, standing on his doorstep, with the entire world to see, was Albus Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore clad in the most disgusting pink t-shirt and sky blue trousers, complete with large fuzzy rain-bow coloured bobble hat Snape had ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. Behind the man were eight trunks floating by his head.

Snape blinked slowly. "Headmaster," he growled, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm moving in!" Dumbledore declared happily.

"Merlin, no. Why?"

"Well, the Minister, finally accepting that Voldemort has indeed returned, has decided that it's not safe for me at my home anymore."

"Albus, you are more than capable of handling yourself."

"Yes, I know. The idiot is trying to convince the public to keep him in power next election."

Snape desperately tried to make him go away. "But…but…why can't you stay at Hogwarts?"

"We've got a pixy infestation. So, I'm all yours for the summer!" Dumbledore barged past Snape, the luggage following.

"No. Please no," Snape muttered.

"I say, Severus, you could do with brightening the place up a bit. Set me just conjure some flowers…"

Snape watched in horror as Dumbledore turned his beautiful dark green walls a revolting yellow, his deep crimson carpet baby blue, and his lovely dark leather chairs white. WHITE!

"Please no," Snape muttered again, feeling like crying. "Aller, Christ, Buddha, Diana, Merrik, Odin…please make him go away."

"There, that's better," Dumbledore remarked, clearly very pleased with himself. "Now, where's my room?"

Snape wordlessly pointed up the stairs.

"Wonderful!" Dumbledore clapped. He turned to his floating trunks. "Come along boys." With that, he went happily up the stairs, practically skipping.

Snape watched him go, trying desperately to get his head around this new turn of events. "Wait…boys? Does the insane old bat actually name his luggage?" Snape looked once more at what the bastard had done to his beautiful home. "This is all like some horrible dream…"


	2. Mr Chapman

The next morning Snape dragged himself downstairs and into the kitchen. "Good morning Severus," Dumbledore greeted cheerfully. Snape glared at him. In his opinion, anyone who was this cheerful in the morning should be thrown into a pit of starving werewolves. "I took the liberty of making you a spot of tea." He nodded at a steaming mug on the table.

Snape shuffled over to it. "That muggel newspaper you have will be here by now," Dumbledore commented.

Snape sneered. "Yes, thank you Albus, but I had realised this."

"Ah, good. You can get it after you've finished your tea."

"How very thoughtful of you," Snape muttered sarcastically.

"Yes, it is, isn't it." Snape muttered curses under his breath and picked up his tea. "The weather really is lovely today. Not a cloud in the sky. I was thinking of a little sun bathing in the garden. Would you care to join me? You could use some colour."

Snape slowly lowered his mug. "As much as your invitation appeals to me, Headmaster, the Devil will be ice-skating in Hell before that happens."

Dumbledore tutted. "You're to pale Severus. It would do you some good. Besides, you'd look far more healthy will a tan."

Snape's upper lip curled in disgust. "Well, thank you for the advice, mother, but once again I must decline."

Dumbledore wagged a finger at him. "Now now my boy, there's no need to be sarcastic."

Snape sipped his tea, wishing with all his might that the man was a Death Eater so that he could curse him into oblivion. He quickly finished his tea, did a quick cleaning spell and put the cup away.

"You'd better get that paper now Sev," Dumbledore put in, thurally enjoying taunting the poor Potions Master.

Snape whirled around. "It's Severus, if you don't mind."

Dumbledore grinned, his eye getting that twinkle that sent off alarm bells screaming in Snape's head. Doing his best to ignore it, he spun around and marched to the front door. On his way he changed his living room back to normal, and continued on his way to the front door. He opened it and stepped out to get the paper. He felt his foot step into something wet and luke-warm. He looked down and let out a roar of rage.

Dumbledore poked his head out. "Something wrong Severus?"

"MR. CHAPMAN'S BLOODY DOG HAS CRAPPED ON MY BLOODY DOORSTEP AGAIN!"

"Mr. Chapman?"

"MR. CHAPMAN! ONE OF MY NEIGHBORES! AND HIS DOG HAS CRAPPED ON MY DOORSTEP! AGAIN!"

"Oh dear. You didn't step in it, did you?"

Snape just started swearing.

Half an hour later…

There was a knock on the front door. Dumbledore wandered over to it. "Hello?" he called. "Mr. Snape? Is that you?" Came the gruff reply. Dumbledore opened the door. A man in his early sixties stood there, white-grey hair neatly combed, smart clothes neatly pressed, and a small dog under his arm. The man glared down at Dumbledore. "Who are you?" he snapped in a voice that said he hadn't time for pleasantries.

Dumbledore smiled and extended a hand. "Albus Dumbledore. And you are?"

The man looked through the doorway, ignoring Dumbledore's hand. "Edward Chapman. I'm looking for Mr. Snape. Is he in?"

Dumbledore lowered his hand, but kept the smile firmly in place. "Yes, he's in, but I'm afraid he's a little busy. Could you come back in…" Mr. Chapman barged past Dumbledore and marched into the living room. Snape looked up and sneered.

"Ah, Mr. Chapman."

"Mr Snape."

Dumbledore hurried in. "Won't you have a seat?" Snape glared at him.

"No thank you, I'm not stopping." He looked down at Snape. "I understand Jemma," he indicated the dog in his arm "has been coming into your garden."

"Yes, that's right," Snape replied.

"Oh, it's no problem," Dumbledore said, trying to keep the peace. Snape stood up.

"No no, Albus, if Mr. Chapman wants to apologise, let him apologise."

"Apologise!" Mr. Chapman barked. "I'm not here to apologise.

Snape glared at him. "Isn't it your dog that's been fouling my doorstep?"

"Yes. She got through because your fence has a hole in it. The poor thing could have ran onto the road and gotten herself killed. Fix it."

"Right. Is there anything else?" Snape asked, not even trying to hide his obvious contempt for the man standing in front of him.

"Yes, there is. The branches of your apple tree are hanging over into my garden. Either cut them back, or I shall hire a professional, and forward you the bill." He shot one last dirty look at Snape. "I'll see myself out." With that he turned on his heel and left a slightly confused Dumbledore, and a very angry Snape.


	3. Sarah

Many hours later the front door banged open, making Dumbledore jump out of his skin and nearly giving him a heart attack. He whipped out his wand and stayed quiet. "Severus! Severus!" A woman screamed. Dumbledore put his wand away. Obviously it wasn't a Death Eater, they're more reserved. "Severus!" The woman screamed, marching past the living room without noticing Dumbledore. "SEVERUS!" Dumbledore flinched. Merlin, the woman sounds like a banshee. Snape came rushing down the stairs.

"What's happening!"

"Bastard!" The woman screamed.

Snape looked confused. "Who? Me?"

"That bastard!" The woman ranted. "There's always one! One wanker who just has to ruin everything!"

Snape rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Sarah, what on Earth are you raving about?"

"Eddie!" She screeched.

"Eddie?" Snape replied, baffled. "Who exactly is Eddie?"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"Pardon?"

"Who the fuck does he think he is, ay? Swaggering about, thinking he's so great! 'Ohh, look at me, I'm King of the world.' Arrogant bloody shit-faced…"

Dumbledore decided to leave them to it, and wandered into the kitchen to make himself a nice cup of tea. It looked like Severus was getting angry. Dumbledore decided that later, when things have calmed down a bit, he'd teach Snape the secret to dealing with women. Just do whatever they say, and hope it all works out for the best.

A/N: I know this isn't much, but I haven't worked on this story for a while. Just kind of trying to get back into the swing of it, you know? Might think about continuing Cops and Robbers as well. Umm, I don't know if anyone's been waiting for an update…God I hope not. It has been a while. Sorry.


End file.
